It Affects Everything…
2 minute read.
This story was written by Steven Thomas at 61 years old. His parents divorced when he was 15. He gave permission for his story to be shared.
HIS STORY
It goes back many generations. If we just focus on my grandparents, the dysfunction is already present. My father's father left the family when he was just a young kid. There is some speculation around if he left, or was kicked out by my grandma, who I am told had her personal issues...I will call them "twisted," for the sake of discussion and to not cause scandal. On my mom's side, her father was a sexual abuser, so they had to move her away from the family at an early age. So both parents had a very fragile foundation. My father, who has passed away was an alcoholic; as well as unfaithfulness in his marriage. My mother did the best she could to try to make things work until everything came to a head. My father was always working and never went to any games, so there was never the sense of support a kid would want or expect. They were very dark times growing up.
HOW THE DIVORCE MADE HIM FEEL
I always say, when a kid goes through a divorce, there is a fracture or fissure in the center of one's soul, and it never really heals. There was a real sense of aloneness, low self-esteem, and feeling very much abandoned and insecure.
HOW THE DIVORCE IMPACTED HIM
It affects everything...my marriage, my ability to be a good father, my whole sense of what it means to be a man. It is a slow grind to find healing and to fight to become the person God has meant me to become. The sense of my personal identity was something that took many years to truly begin to discover and understand.
ADVICE FOR SOMEONE WHOSE PARENTS JUST SEPARATED OR DIVORCED
Turn to God who is the perfect Father, turn to His Son who is the perfect brother, turn to the Mother of God who is the perfect Mother! Take the darkness that always enters in and give it to Jesus on the cross. Offer it for the redemption of many souls. I remember the turning point in my life was reading about the story of Fatima, and how these young little children offered all of the sufferings for souls, who they were given a vision of, who were falling into hell. All of us victims of divorce, the massive wounded army that we are can make a difference. We can transform our suffering into a prayer. And forgiveness really is the most powerful thing we will ever do.
WHAT DO YOU THINK NEEDS TO BE DONE TO HELP TEENS AND YOUNG ADULTS FROM DIVORCED AND SEPARATED FAMILIES?
Take them out of their isolation, so they know they are not alone.
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